Monday, November 12, 2007

The Return to the Same

Wow it's been a month since I've entered anything into this spot that no one I know knows, or reads from. What can I say I've done with my time that pulled me away from this attempt to really get back into my grind? Ha, nothing. I havent classed up; I'm still going about doing the usual which isnt much. It's enough... for now.

Creativity is a funny thing. So often, I feel uncreative and the problem with that is that, in my mind, I used to be more creative. I used to write, to draw, make my own comic strips, make music, etc. For whatever they were worth, however good or bad they might have been, I was able to just put something done and get it out there. Now I just feel like I'm doing the day-to-day, following the track, and doing what I'm supposed to. It's like I locked that part of me up since it's supposedly time to grow up and do something legitimate instead of chasing dreams of "you know what would be cool?" The thing about it is that I wish I could be one of those lucky people who were able to take their creative "talents" and make something of it. They're able to get through all the little things that make life bothersome because they get to do something they enjoy.

Maybe that's what the problem was with me. Going to college is one of those one-time shots. Sure you can always go back and get whatever degree you want, but it's not the same. You're not 18 years old, let out into the world without responsibilities but without a watchful eye over your shoulder. You can do what you like, particularly with your classes. You can become what you want. I didnt take that option though. I went to school for what would be a good job when I graduate. I tell myself I dealt with it then and that I can deal with it now, but inside, I just really wish I could go back and do something else. I wouldnt call it regret....but now I just think I might have reconsidered some things when I was at school.

All I can do is just these little things to feel like I still have some connection to the creative person I always thought I'd grow up to become. Writing here, which no one I know can read anyway. Playing someone else's song on guitar/bass. I dont really draw anymore, but then I dont really feel the need to jump into it either.... Ugh. I need to get my head in the game. But which game?

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