As much as I hate letting it happen, I had a bad dream, spent a second too long thinking about it, trying to analyze it, and then I couldnt force myself back to sleep. This always happens to me; a lot more often recently. "Oh? And why would that be, Mike?" "Oh, I dont know. I guess no real reason at all." "But you'll be fine; you're in the Navy. You dont need that much sleep!" "Yeah, I guess you're right, Michael. But I dont know. Do you really think so?"
Bad dreams. What I consider a bad dream has changed in some ways since I was a kid. I no longer fear the boogie man or the dark of night fall or any type of zombiatic beast. Now they're real; real things to feel bad about. Maybe it's another sign of growing up. The things you fear the most shift from creatures of the imagination to real-life situations. They become knock-on-wood situations, except that's not going to help me. It's already happened. The Nightmare Man has found me.
I know I said it up there, but now that I think about it again, I dont spend too much time analyzing it; at least not this one. What's there to analyze? It's not an imaginary situation, this is real. Maybe I analyzed to determine if it was real or not. And then I woke up and realized that, yes, this is my life. And it'll be great to lay here in bed thinking about what that is now. It'll be great to just lay here with the most lethal of your thoughts and replay everything back again, wondering that if you had tried something else, things would be different. You tell yourself that because in the end you know for a fact that you did nothing wrong, and you cant accept that fact that it happened anyway despite it. So maybe if I did something wrong instead of right, or maybe if I did something MORE right instead of wrong, then it would have been alright, right? No, it wouldnt have. And all the rest of these days and nights that you're not on top of your game will be spent realizing that fact. It wouldnt have been alright. Your own medicine is always the most bitter.
This place has been catching a lot of heat. Never did I think it'd be so wildly spread, and even spawn a tiny degree of speculation and rumor. Haha, at least I know people are reading, so that's always welcome. What I write here is what goes on in my head. It may have happened, it may not have happened. These are simply the thoughts and ideas and words that I tell myself, for whatever reason, and I just needed to get them out on paper. Lots of it is dramatic, maybe overly metaphorical, or maybe more harsh than expected ("Really? Is it THAT bad???"), but that's how I like to put it down. And NO ONE will tell me to do otherwise, NO MATTER WHAT.