Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Same Ol' Never-Ending Story

"It's a little bit funny", he said with that smile she was beginning to detest.
"What is? Please tell me what's so funny about lies from an absolute stranger who's a breath away from crossing the line into being a creepy jerk."
"Well, nothing about that, I suppose. But maybe the core; the fundamentals of our situation here. That might be a little bit funny, don't you think?"
"Fine. I'll stupidly bite. What are the "fundamentals" of our situation?"
"Well, just that you were sitting here by yourself, and something about you caught me for more than a mere glance. You can call it your looks, and by no means am I trying to say you're not an attractive girl. You are very pretty. But it takes more than that. Your "aura". Your being. There are a lot of beautiful people in the world, but not everyone has that way about them that you can't describe beyond saying 'I was attracted to you'."
She sat, digesting his words. She tried to tell herself that he was just throwing more game, spouting more "sweet nothings", and so she tried to find any clue, any hint that would prove her fears and cynicism correct. "The eyes. Look at his eyes. You can always tell a person is lying from their eyes. They ARE the window to the soul for a reason." But he wouldn't look at her. He spent all this time up to now, meeting her dead straight in her own eyes, but now he wouldn't take one look at any part of her, let alone meet her eyes.
"Obviously, it was enough for me to try to lie to a complete stranger. Why would I lie? You know nothing about me. You don't know my faults and vices and errors. As long as I didn't tell you any of them, there'd be nothing for you to dislike me for. So why lie? What have I to lose?"

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

We Won, Oh, We Won

"You should care more about Canada."
"What do you mean? I think I care a fair amount about Canada. In fact, I'd argue that I care MORE about Canada than the average person. At least slightly. Like at least 10% more."
"That might be so, but I still think you can do better. You should try."
"Maybe I will try. But before that, I think you should try to list the good things that might come about if I were to care about Canada more."
"Maple syrup intake."
"What? What does that even mean?"
"Your maple syrup intake would probably increase. I hear that's a perk for supporting the great nation known as Canada."
"And that's a good thing?"
"Of course it is. You like maple syrup, don't you?"
"I do. But let us not forget: all things in moderation. This includes maple syrup. And probably care for Canadia as well."
"Did you just say 'Canadia'?"
"You just said, 'Canadia'. You did."
"Ok, yes, I did."
"Well, what the hell is 'Canadia'? Or did you just misspeak?"
"Absolutely not. I don't misspeak. It just isn't written into my DNA. I am genetically incapable of misspeaking."
"What the fck are you talking about??"
"Whoa, pump the breaks. There's no need to be vulgar. Please. Think of the children."
"What children?"
"Well, there aren't any physically here right now, but think about the children of the world. Like the little Canadian children. Think of them."
"You're right. Pardon my language, children of Canadia. Dammit!"
"What the Orville Redenbacher, mate?!?"
"You see what you just did? YOU did this."
"The only thing that I see is that you obviously don't care as much about Canada as you lead others, like myself, to believe. Perhaps now is a good time to take a step down from your Canadian soap box."
"I didn't lead anyone on. If you thought I cared a great deal for Canada just because I told you that you should care more about Canada, you are mistaken. And I forgive you for that."
"What's to forgive?"
"Truth. I think we've just achieved the fabled 'Win-Win-WIN' compromise."
"Agreed. I think we just may have. Congratulations to us both."
"Thank you. And thank you."
"And now we kiss."
"And so we shall."

No, I'm not insane.